


surefire

by liadan14



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Blink-and-you'll-miss-it Andy and Quynh cameo, Casual Sex, Enemies to Lovers, In that way when it's absolutely not casual to either of you, M/M, Nicky is comically prejudiced against surgeons, Pediatrician Nicky, Podfic Available, Relationship Reveal, Secret Relationship, Surgeon Joe, That's the joke, administrative nurse Nile, pediatric nurse Booker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:01:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27579542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liadan14/pseuds/liadan14
Summary: Nicky is a rational man.He makes decisions slowly, with pro-con lists and peace and quiet.This does not account for the fact that, having run into the bane of his existence, Dr. Al-Kaysani the trauma surgeon, at his favorite bar on the tail end of a shift that ran five hours too long, Nicky ended up inviting him over for coffee and blowing him against the closed door of his apartment.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 105
Kudos: 1000





	1. Chapter 1

Nicky is a rational man.

He makes decisions slowly, with pro-con lists and peace and quiet.

His last boyfriend broke up with him because Nicky had taken an appropriate amount of time to deliberate whether he should move cities to accept the job he’d been working towards for nearly a decade at a better hospital or whether he should stay to save the relationship. Nicky’s a little ashamed to say that he was relieved to have the decision made for him.

This does not account for the fact that, having run into the bane of his existence, Dr. Al-Kaysani the trauma surgeon, at his favorite bar on the tail end of a shift that ran five hours too long, Nicky ended up inviting him over for coffee and blowing him against the closed door of his apartment.

Midway through, Al-Kaysani had said, “You moved here six months ago, how have you still not finished unpacking?”

Nicky had pulled away to glare up at him. “You’re welcome to leave anytime,” he had said, peeved both that he had to stop engaging in possibly his favorite pastime besides jigsaw puzzles to respond and that he was actually having sex with this man.

Gratifyingly, Al-Kaysani had shut up.

It’s especially unfortunate that that was only the first time.

Nicky can’t stand the man at work. He’s always grandstanding, flashing winks at Nurse Freeman (which, granted, has taken on a slightly different context now that Nicky knows what he’s like with his thighs up around Nicky’s hips and his head thrown back in pleasure), trading surgery horror stories with the other doctors. Everyone knows surgeons are the handymen of medicine, competent at anatomy and their craft but not at diagnostics or patient care or any of the things Nicky sees as the burning core of his chosen profession.

It doesn’t help that he looks like he does. Nicky has never known a surgeon with Al-Kaysani’s looks to be humble.

He can’t deny there’s something enjoyable about it; can’t deny he likes Al-Kaysani’s cocky little grin when he turns up at Nicky’s far past any reasonable hour, leaning against the doorframe with his hands in his pockets, sure of his welcome.

Nicky’s still not thrilled about having to work with the man.

His patients come first, of course, and they always will. 

Polina is a darling girl, all of seven and a half, and Nicky usually only sees her for check-ups and to prescribe lactase supplements. Today, she’s broken her leg in three places and needs surgery. Nicky can only hope Al-Kaysani won’t totally fuck up the rapport Nicky has built with Polina’s moms.

Unfairly, it takes Al-Kaysani all of three minutes to earn Polina’s trust. 

He’s doing everything Nicky would do, too; sitting at eye level with her, explaining very carefully exactly what he’s going to be doing in words she can understand. 

Gratifyingly, Polina still looks questioningly to Nicky when Al-Kaysani asks her, “Does that sound alright, Polina?”

This puts Nicky in the deeply unfortunate position of having to respond, “Dr. Al-Kaysani is very good at his job, Polina. He’ll take care of you, you’ll be back on the soccer field as soon as possible.”

One of Polina’s moms mutters something that sounds like, _not if I have anything to say about it_.

Al-Kaysani smiles up at Nicky so prettily that Nicky loses all his words and helps him wheel Polina’s bed out of the room wordlessly.

“I hate that man,” he vents to Nurse le Livre later. “He’s so…so…undeservedly self-assured.”

Le Livre blinks. “Joe?” He asks, puzzled. 

Nicky shrugs uncomfortably. For all he’s seen Al-Kaysani naked upwards of a dozen times at this point, he only knows the man’s first name is Yusuf from his nameplate.

Le Livre scratches the back of his neck. “Joe’s really not that bad,” he says. “For a surgeon, I mean. He’s nice to the surgical nurses. Makes sure they rotate out regularly and get breaks to eat and drink.”

Nicky sighs deeply. Then, because le Livre is a fantastic pediatric nurse and possibly the only friend Nicky’s made here so far, he covers the desk for five minutes while le Livre calls home because his middle son has the flu and had to stay home from school today. 

-

Polina is fine.

She has to keep off her leg for another few weeks, and she must be very bored in that time, because a card arrives at the hospital addressed to “Dr. Joe and Dr. Nicky”. In it is a drawing of a man with black hair and a beard next to a brown-haired man with a stethoscope as well as the words _THANK YOU_ and a big red heart that unfortunately is placed just so that it looks like it’s between the two stick figures.

Nurse Freeman pins it to the board by the front desk.

“Nile,” Nicky hears Al-Kaysani groaning when he sees it. “Why must you do this to me?”

“Because it’s adorable,” Nurse Freeman replies calmly.

“Dr. di Genova!” Al-Kaysani cries, when Nicky gets close enough to be approached. “Help me out here! You surely don’t want to be associated with a lowly surgeon right here at the front desk.”

Ah.

Fuck.

It’s possible it’s entirely Nicky’s fault they’d gotten off on the wrong foot, if Al-Kaysani had heard him complaining about surgeons.

In all fairness, he had been commiserating with le Livre about what an asshole Stephen Merrick was for cutting in line at the cafeteria every damn day.

To be contrary, Nicky says, “I think that card is a better testimonial than anything else I’ve got in my CV.”

Al-Kaysani’s smile is unfairly earnest.

That night, Nicky takes the plunge and shows up at his door instead of waiting for Al-Kaysani to come to him.

He’s unsure of his welcome, and he’s been pacing back and forth in front of the door trying to talk himself out of it for so long that his hair is a mess from running his fingers through it, but Al-Kaysani takes one look at him and drags him in by the lapels.

They’ve been kissing up against the wall for what must be five minutes by the time Nicky remembers he was going to say something first, this time. 

“Wait,” he gasps out as Al-Kaysani’s coarse beard rubs against his neck. God, why the man has that beard when he has to cover it up for surgery is an utter mystery to Nicky, except that he likes it _so much_ when it drags over his skin.

“Hmm?” Al-Kaysani murmurs against his skin.

“I was going to,” Nicky begins, and then gasps the word “ _apologize_ ” when Al-Kaysani bites at his collarbone.

Al-Kaysani pulls away. “Why?” He asks.

Nicky’s not sure if his face is red from embarrassment or arousal, but he powers through it. “For that thing I said about surgeons. It’s a stupid stereotype, and I know what that’s like as a pediatrician, I don’t want to be that kind of man.”

Al Kaysani laughs, and it is a deep, kind, well-formed sound. “Ah, Nicky,” he says. “I know you didn’t mean that. I’ve known that for…well, for weeks I think.”

“You didn’t know it when I said it,” Nicky protests. “I was just talking to Nurse le Livre about Dr. Merrick—”

“You can call him Booker, you know,” Joe says, amused. “Everyone does. And Merrick’s a weasel. Especially when there are French fries in the cafeteria. Makes us all look bad.”

“I’m sorry,” Nicky says again, honest and a little bit overwhelmed that their entire bodies are still pressed tightly together. “I didn’t want to be rude.”

“No,” Joe says, leaning in close. “You’re not like that at all, are you?”

Nicky laughs a little, head tipping back against the wall. “This is all a little out of my wheelhouse,” he admits.

“Oh?” Joe asks, lips a hair’s breadth from Nicky’s.

“I usually think these things through,” Nicky says. “With my head. Not with—”

Joe kisses him then, brief, biting. “Maybe think with your heart?” He asks. “Just a little?”

Nicky does absolutely no thinking for the rest of the night.

-

He does think, the next day, very hard and very long that it is unsanitary and egotistical and unprofessional to have sex in an on-call room, no matter how enticing Joe looks with a bite mark just peeking out of the collar of his scrubs.

“Damn, Al-Kaysani,” Nile hollers from the front desk when she catches sight of him. 

It is the mark of not only a good doctor, but also of a decent human being, to be liked by the nursing staff.

If Nicky doesn’t watch out, his heart is going to make a lot of decisions for him in a very short time.

He has lunch with Booker, as usual, because almost no one else in the hospital appreciates how rare a moment of peace and quiet is in their daily lives is. It’s chicken-fried steak day, which is frankly an abomination only the world’s heart disease capital could conjure and as an Italian, Nicky might sue, but all he had for breakfast was Joe’s cock down his throat, so needs must.

“Watch out,” Booker murmurs. “Your nemesis is headed our way.”

“Huh?” Nicky asks, dripping coleslaw from his fork.

A third plate is set down at their table, and then Joe is sitting there beside him.

“Not sitting with the surgeons today?” Nicky asks on autopilot, because he’s an idiot and an asshole.

“Nah,” Joe says easily, smiling his stupid twinkling smile. “I hear they’re all assholes. Booker, how’s Jean-Pierre doing?”

Nicky wants to stab himself with a fork because of course Joe remembered Booker’s children’s names.

By evening of the following day, the interns have it that they’ve formed an unholy alliance between pediatrics and surgery.

“Don’t we give them enough to do?” Nicky wonders, lying spread-eagled on Joe’s magnificent couch, waiting for their pizza to be delivered. 

Joe laughs, padding into the living room on bare feet, carrying two glasses of water. “I think it’s the lack of sleep,” he offers. “Causes joint hallucinations or something.”

Nicky gives him a look. “You’re not convincing me about surgeons and diagnostics,” he points out.

Unfairly, Joe’s cocky grin is offset beautifully by the domesticity of the moment. “I wasn’t aware,” he says, voice as smooth as honey, “that I had to convince you of anything at all.”

Perhaps he’s right.

-

By the time Nicky gives up on ever unpacking his boxes and simply moves them into Joe’s apartment, it’s little more than a joke. Every day at lunch, Joe will plop down between Nicky and Booker and offer some outrageous medical deficiency all surgeons must have, and every day at lunch, Nicky will pretend to take it very seriously and claim that surgeons are the mechanics of the medical world. 

Depending on how annoying humanity has been so far that day, Booker will either play along gamely or beg them to shut up. 

Nile shakes her head, on the rare days her lunch break aligns with theirs. “You guys make such a good team when you work together,” she says, far too earnestly. She still has that card pinned up at the front desk. She says it gets her through having to send out ridiculous bills for routine procedures.

Because Nicky is a soft touch, he says, “We’re just teasing, Nile. I have the utmost respect for Dr. Al-Kaysani.”

Joe winks at him.

Booker gags. “That’s worse,” he says. “Go back to the other thing.”

Maybe it’s no more sophisticated than the tight stretch of Joe’s scrubs over his chest when he leans back, hands behind his head. Maybe it’s his laugh, still so sweet. 

Nicky becomes aware, all at once and not at all to his own surprise, that if it was a choice between moving away for his career and Joe, he’d choose Joe every time.

Booker elbows him. “What are you smiling about?” He asks. “It’s creepy. Don’t do that. You only smile at the kids.”

“And my heart melts every time,” Joe proclaims from across the table.

Nicky can’t quite stop the smile from spreading wider across his face, doesn’t want to stop himself from reaching for Joe’s hand on the table between them. Joe takes his hand, of course, and his expression is all joy and awe.

“Ugh,” Booker says.

“Aw, come on,” Nile says, poking him in the side. “It’s cute, that they figured out all the UST.”

“UST?” Nicky asks with a frown.

“Unresolved sexual tension,” Nile explains, and Booker gags into his coffee again. “Oh, come on, old man, you have three kids, there must have been romance in your soul at some point.”

“Do you know how many bodily fluids I have to clean up every day?” Booker asks. “Do you? Not just here, at home, too. There is no space for romance, only pee.”

Neither of them quite catch Joe and Nicky silently laughing with each other at the thought that things between them had ever been unresolved.


	2. Chapter 2

It turns out that there is no good time to tell your friends that you were actually in a relationship for a significant amount of time before deigning to tell them. Equally, Joe can think of absolutely no good reason why they continued to pretend to be barely friendly at work long past the time that Nicky moved into his apartment.

He can rationalize it, in retrospect. First, there was his own pride, which, after hearing Nicky complain about how high-minded and incompetent surgeons were, refused to admit his debilitating attraction to the man to anyone but Nicky himself. Then, there was the doubt. Hospitals are pressure-cookers at the best of times, and Joe has watched more than one relationship shatter to pieces at the long hours and the lack of sleep and quality time. It’s why he’s always dated outside of work, before now. Of course, there, he’d found no partners who could understand why he would stick it out in the hospital instead of moving towards a private practice, so he’d have time to have a life.

There was no way to say “I can make a real difference in the hospital, for people who actually need me” without sounding like another asshole surgeon with a god complex.

Until he met Nicky, that is, and said as much, hushed against Nicky’s pink-tinged skin in the dark of his bedroom, and Nicky had run a gentle hand through his hair and murmured, “I know exactly what you mean.”

Because of course Nicky did. 

Nicky the pediatrician, who clammed up around most other adults but smiled so beautifully at his patients. Nicky with the perpetual bags under his eyes from unplanned overtime, Nicky who worked in the sterile second floor of a publicly funded hospital and said it was what he always wanted, when Joe knew there were any number of warmly-lit, nicely decorated private pediatrician’s offices that would love to have him.

Joe is ridiculously in love with him. 

This is, of course, not news. 

He’s had a sinking suspicion this is where his attraction to Nicky would end for months, now. Years, even. Ever since Nicky had spotted him at the other end of a crowded bar and, instead of turning around and leaving, like Joe half expected him to, bought him a drink.

At the time, Joe had thought perhaps it was an apology.

The way Nicky’s hand rested warmly against the small of his back on as they toasted to the end of a very long work day belied the idea that Nicky thought he had anything to apologize for.

The self-assuredness Nicky exuded in all of his actions, his rigid professionalism at work and his slight smiles outside of it, made Joe simultaneously furious and outrageously horny. 

Even Nile would have to agree that that was a bad start to a relationship and it made perfect sense that Joe had never told her about it. He will admit that not telling her when one night turned into twenty was perhaps an oversight. 

Joe’s just not actually sure when things got so serious.

Maybe when Nicky did actually apologize. When they started sharing food more often than sex. When Joe figured out that those bags around Nicky’s eyes got a lot better when someone held him while he slept. When Joe’s parents called and Nicky accidentally picked up the phone.

Certainly when Nicky showed up at his door, opened it up with the key Joe had given it a long time ago, and offered Joe a houseplant. 

“I was thinking,” he had said, nervous and hesitant in a way Joe hadn’t heard since he still referred to Booker as _Nurse le Livre_. “You know, I spend most of my time at the hospital anyway. And the rest of it, I’m here.”

Joe had been almost sure, then, where this was going, but he let Nicky continue. 

“And the only thing in my apartment I really care about is this plant. So I wanted to ask if maybe it – and I – could stay here?”

It had been then that Joe had drawn Nicky into his arms and said, “I love you and I would love to live with you.”

At that point, it had of course been far too late to start a conversation with any of their friends.

Now, staring down the barrel of Nile Freeman’s puppy-dog eyes, all Joe can do is regret most of his life choices. 

He likes to bring her a cup of coffee every now and then, is all. Her desk at the hospital entrance has a perfect view of the coffee shop next door, but she can never get up and get some, so Joe’s made a habit of bringing her a cup or two every week. Nicky says he’s spoiling her. Joe says she deserves it; he’s felt vaguely guilty every time he brings her new paperwork to deal with, especially since she told him she’s only working in admin to put herself through medical school. 

Joe’s parents paid for medical school.

If he had had to work in hospital administration to get the degree, he’s pretty sure he wouldn’t have become a doctor.

So, he brings Nile her coffee – Nicky says it’s not coffee, Nicky says it’s sugar in a cup – twice a week, and they have a little chat on her afternoon break.

“You have to tell me _everything_ ,” she says to Joe this time, wide-open eyes and barely disguised glee.

“Everything?” Joe asks, baffled.

“Yes!” She says. “How did it happen? Did you sweep him off his feet? Or did he crack under all the tension and kiss you in the on-call room? Come on, you’re saving me from drastically overcharging some poor woman for postnatal surgery, help me forget about the shambles of the American healthcare industry.”

This is when Joe realizes that Nile took Nicky’s quiet gesture in the cafeteria earlier to mean that they had only just gotten together.

He groans.

“Nooo,” she cries. “Come on, Joe, I’m so happy for you guys! If I’m being too intrusive, tell me to stop, but—”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Joe says weakly. “There’s really not much to tell. We ran into each other at a bar after work. He bought me a drink.”

She stares at him expectantly. “And then?”

“What do you mean, and then?”

“You don’t just go from _oh hey Dr. Al-Kaysani, can I buy you a drink?_ to holding hands in the cafeteria, something must have happened in between.”

Eighteen months have happened in between, in point of fact. 

“Uh,” Joe says rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know. We talked. He invited me over to his place.”

Nile wolf-whistles. “On the first date!” She says. 

“Kinda,” Joe hedges. 

“So that’s that?” Nile asks. “You go home with him once and now you’re all lovey-dovey?”

In Joe’s defense, that is when he panics. 

“That was last week,” he lies. “We went out a few more times and decided to give it a real go last night.”

Nile presses a hand dramatically to her chest. “So what’s dating Nicky like?” She asks, leaning forwards intently. “Is he all awkward and serious? Or are there some romantic vibes hiding in that accent?”

Joe can’t help his smile. “Nicky’s very romantic,” he tells her, thinking about how Nicky always makes sure to cook for two and leave Joe a portion even if Joe is home late. About how Nicky records _The Voice_ when Joe misses it even though he thinks it’s the worst thing on television. About how Nicky will let Joe curl closer to him on their rare shared mornings off and laze about in bed for hours on end even though he can’t sleep as much as Joe does. “In his own way. And if you think the accent is sexy, you should hear how he gets in traffic.”

“Hold up,” Nile laughs. “No one said anything about sexy. How do you know what he’s like in _traffic_?”

Privately, Joe disagrees – Nicky is incredibly sexy, all of the time, especially when he talks. However, he’s a little distracted by having to bullshit some more. He’s been stuck in traffic with Nicky more than once, because they had to rent a car to visit Joe’s parents when they moved in together, and because they’d had to go to IKEA to pick up a second bookshelf a while back. In each instance, Nicky has cursed at the American tendency to put exits on both sides of the freeway and to neglect the existence of the turn signal.

Because Joe can mention none of these things, what he says instead is, “He has a motorbike, Nile.”

Nile’s eyebrows shoot up. “He _does_?”

Nicky does, although he’d never use it – her, when he’s being particularly Italian – right now. It’s too cold out. The bike is taking up the parking space under Joe’s apartment, covered in a drop cloth, and Joe’s going to need to wait until March at least to see Nicky in his biking gear again.

Still, Joe hasn’t been able to tell anyone about the seven minor heart attacks Nicky on a motorbike gave him, so he slides into the empty seat behind Nile’s desk and begins to tell her about the first date he and Nicky went on (which had only occurred about two months into their sexual relationship). Nicky had picked him up on the motorbike, and Joe had clung to him on the drive to the restaurant, terrified and slightly aroused. This had notched up to incredibly aroused after two glasses of wine and Nicky spoon-feeding him mediocre panna cotta. The drive back to Joe’s apartment, plastered to Nicky’s warm body, feeling his strength and watching him navigate busy streets and mutter Italian curses under his breath at people who deserved it was more than enough to have him desperate by the time they got home.

“Damn,” Nile says when Joe’s somewhat expunged narration of their first date comes to a close. “You really like him, huh?”

“Is that a surprise?” Joe asks, instead of telling her that he loves Nicky with every fiber of his being.

She shrugs. “A little. I always thought there was something between you, with all that sniping at each other, but animosity isn’t the best basis for a relationship.”

“I don’t think either of us mean it when we bicker,” Joe says. 

“I hope you’re right,” Nile says with a smile. “Tell me more?”

-

“So,” Joe says that night, when they get home. “I think we fucked up.”

“Huh?” Nicky says, not looking away from the meager contents of the fridge.

“Nile thinks we just started dating.”

“Mm,” Nicky agrees. “So does Booker.”

“What do we do?”

Nicky shrugs. “Tell them the truth?”

Joe winces. “I kind of doubled down on it already.”

Nicky closes the fridge, giving him an exasperated look. “We’re ordering in tonight,” he informs Joe.

Joe remembers Nicky on the motorcycle again, and how he’d held his hands out for Nicky to tie to the headboard, after.

“Maybe later?” He asks, as casually as he is able.

-

Maryam comes over every other Wednesday to watch horror movies, because she doesn’t like to watch them alone and neither does Joe. Nicky laughs at him, reminds him that he sees things every day at work that are twice as disgusting and shocking, but he makes them popcorn and reads his trashy Italian novels while they watch.

“Ooh,” Nile says to Nicky, the first Wednesday after he made their relationship public. “Meeting the family! Already! Are you nervous?”

“No,” Nicky says blandly and keeps walking to Pediatrics, where Booker then asks him the same question.

“I don’t see why I should be,” Nicky says. He’s not a natural liar, and he dislikes the entirety of this charade. He just doesn’t see a sensible way out of it. 

Booker laughs humorlessly. “This is the moment that will make or break your relationship, my friend. I didn’t meet Adele’s family until we’d been together six months, and they _hated_ me. Still do. That’s probably why she hates me, now, too.”

Nicky clasps Booker’s shoulder firmly. “I wish you earned enough to go to therapy,” he says.

In point of fact, he met Maryam when he was moving his things into Joe’s apartment, about eight months ago. They’d both had Joe’s spare key, and Joe had been on a weekend shift. Nicky had wanted to get the move done by the time Joe came home on Sunday night, so he wouldn’t have to take care of anything.

Maryam had screamed when she’d been surprised in the kitchen by a strange, sweaty man carrying in boxes of cooking implements.

Once she’d gotten over the shock, she’d narrowed her eyes at him and said, “So, you’re nib.”

“Excuse me?” Nicky had asked.

“Nib. The _nice Italian boy_ mom and dad say Joe is dating about twelve times a week.”

Nicky couldn’t help laughing. “I guess,” he says. 

She ended up helping him move in. On Sunday evening, Joe got home from work to find them playing MarioKart and viciously insulting each other, which was only slightly less frightening than all the childhood photos Maryam had texted Nicky.

Nicky feels pretty safe in saying he gets along with Joe’s family.

-

When the intern with the hair (the only pediatrics intern besides the one with the glasses) asks Nicky if it’s true he and Dr. Al-Kaysani are eloping after a two-week relationship, Nicky decides enough is enough.

It’s the poor intern that gets it, unfortunately – it being the lecture about a hospital being a place of work, and Nicky’s private life being firmly not in the realm of things he feels comfortable discussing there.

Joe immediately undoes his efforts by telling his own interns that he and Nicky live together.

-

“Aren’t you moving a little fast?” Nile asks them both over lunch, tone carefully non-judgmental.

“We’ve been dating for a year and a half,” Nicky gets out between gritted teeth. 

Joe hastens to add, “I’m sorry we didn’t say anything earlier. We were…figuring things out.”

Nile’s gaze goes flinty. “So you were _lying_ to me, Joe?”

“No!” Joe says, but it comes out sheepishly. “Everything I told you really happened, only earlier.” And after having been sleeping together for several months.

Nile shakes her head in disappointment.

“What I’m getting out of this,” Booker says, mostly to his cup of coffee, “is that every lunch I’ve had to suffer through with the two of you has just been foreplay.”

Joe opens his mouth to deny it, but he doesn’t think it would be very believable, so he doesn’t say anything at all.

Booker nods slowly. “I hate you both,” he says conversationally. “And this whole dynamic you’ve got going on is strange and sickening.”

He gestures to their hands, linked under the table.

Joe hadn’t realized they’d been doing that.

Nicky gives him a look that is all fondness, no exasperation.

“I hate to say it,” Nile says, “but I agree with Booker.”

In summary, it’s entirely their fault Joe kisses Nicky full on the mouth in their place of work, and that is the story Joe is sticking to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> could not stop myself from adding self-indulgent relationship reveal shenanigans sorry not sorry

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt on [my tumblr](http://bewires.tumblr.com)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [surefire](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29953077) by [hnghh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hnghh/pseuds/hnghh)




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